Say Something Baby

Say Something Baby: "

“I can’t find a good man”

I detest these words with a passion. Everytime I hear a grown woman complain about her potential mates I punch a small woodland creature in my mind. I understand that there are millions of “jerks” and “dogs” in the world, I also understand that women are often approached in a manner that is totally inappropiate but what I don’t understand is how these facts translate into you not being able to find a good man. Let’s look at this logically.

Oftentimes we are made acutely aware of how flagrantly out of line men can be. We are often told of how men all cheat, or they all lie, or they’re all afraid of commitment and for certain segments of the population this is undoubtedly true but what is overstated is the scope. You see the mean who cheat, lie, and refuse to wife you up receive an inordinant amount of attention because for the most part these are the men who have been deemed desirable. When a woman says “I can’t find a good man” they mean “I can’t find a good man…that I want to be with”, of course this is also true of guys who always complain about how “nice guys finish last” no “nice guys finish last…with the bad girls they want” if people opened their eyes and honestly evaluated the people around them we’d have less complaints between the genders. This truth is universal.

What isn’t however is the fact that a lot of women who bemoan their lack of dating options do so while making no active effort whatsoever to find a good mate. For example, Friend A is an attractive young woman with a lot going for her. She goes on dates and would work to maintain a relationship. Her dates however all seem to be disasters, the men are interested in one thing or are uninteresting all together. Friend A laments her predicament of “not finding a man who is about anything” at which point I inquire, “well where have you been looking?”. The answer is ” I don’t look its the man’s job to ask for a date”. Here, right here, is where I quit. If you as a woman refuse to take the initiative when finding a mate, which is totally within your rights, then I feel you shouldn’t complain about not finding the “right” man. It is the year 2011 and women have the right to vote, earn as much money as men, and tell them how they look better doing it. So why is it that when it comes to dating some people revert back to tradition and “proper” gender roles?

If I wanted a job but I refused to inquire about openings, wouldn’t you conclude that I don’t really want that job at all?

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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Taking Losses

Taking Losses: "

I’m a helper. I do what I can to help as many people as I possibly can, as much as a possibly can within reason. If someone needs a contact I’ll see if I have one. If someone needs that perfect word it will torment me until I find it. It is in my nature to be helpful, it only makes sense to me because when I’m in a place that requires the help of others I am appreciative. This is why it is maddening for me to feel like I’ve failed someone when they needed help the most.

Ask most students if I was helpful in college and they’ll probably reply that I was as helpful as anyone they met on campus. I did my best to always lend an ear to hear and a shoulder to lean on. Don’t get me wrong I also did my fair share of partying but most of my time was spent in the service of others.

This however did not come without a cost. While I was a whirling dervish in Austin I was almost non-existent in Dallas where my real family is. I don’t have any children so no I wasn’t a neglectful father but I feel as if I could have been a better son, brother, or grandchild. I operated under the assumption that everyone had their own lives and it was much more helpful for me to stay out-of-the-way and not be too big of a burden by asking for too much. I didn’t ask for anything unless it was necessary but I also didn’t visit home nearly as much as I should have. I called home sporadically at best.

My family never complained. They would always ask me to call more but they never guilt tripped me. My parents are grown, they understood. Where I really wish I would have done better is with my brothers. I’m the oldest of four and I never realized exactly how much my brothers look to me until I moved back home in August. Me and my brothers all are our own people with very strong independent streaks which led me to simply admire them on their own accord while ignoring the fact that they take a lot of their cues from me and for a good two to three years I was simply trying to lead by example. I didn’t offer the sounding board and advice role that I could have because I believed going to college and succeeding was enough. I shirked the hard part of helping them grow through the wisdom I gained. While I always had an answer for anyone who had a problem near me I provided none back home.

I’ll never be able to get that time back my brother’s will never be teens again but I plan on doing better in the future. If you ever find yourself in similar situation I hope you won’t take the losses I have.

Filed under: Family, Philosophy, Relationships Tagged: Austin, Austin Texas, Dallas, Education, Health, People, Requesting Help, Support Groups "

Our Vices Will Unite Us

Our Vices Will Unite Us: "

With technology allowing the majority of Americans an ability to find a unique and niche culture that caters specifically to them we have become a nation whose cultural bonds have loosened. We have always been a nation that highly values individualism and novelty but today we have almost come to the full fruition of the ideal with every man, woman, and child presenting something of a personal brand that is unique to them in some way shape form and fashion.

Now you can’t have a nation without cultural touchstones and while we are running in no short supply of patriotism what truly bonds us across all lines are vices.

Whether you are a card-carrying socialist or a staunch libertarian you both probably enjoy a cold beer when it is convenient. Alcohol is the global social lubricant that allows two people who have absolutely nothing in common to at least tolerate each other until they finish their glasses. Ask Barack Obama he didn’t serve the professor and the cop lager without reason.

Sex is as universal an experience you will find. In a poll 90+% of Americans said that they have participated in pre-marital sex. You can’t get 90+% of Americans to agree on the sky being blue. Given these numbers it’s not hard to understand why sex is something that is constantly talked about across our popular cultures be they that of sex workers who want respect or Christians who seek to convince their folk to wait until marriage.

I write this not to promote drinking and having sex. That’s your choice and if you decide to partake do that responsibly. I write this to point out the obvious in a nation that is as divided as ever our vices are nearly universal.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Filed under: Daily Distractions, Philosophy, Relationships, Sex Tagged: Alcoholic beverage, Barack Obama, Blackberry, Christian, Nation, Premarital sex, Sex worker, United States "

The Flower

The Flower: "

I have yet to hear a compelling and logical argument to refute the assertion that our current Marijuana laws are deeply flawed. In absence of an opponent I’m going to continue to belabor the point. Here in a sweet short is an example of what a world with legal weed could look like and contrasts this with our status quo. Let’s get the movement moving Texas.

h/t: Andrew Sullivan

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Moral Victories Are For Minor League Coaches

Moral Victories Are For Minor League Coaches: "

and Biden already told you we major you cockroaches!

Excuse me, but I’m glad that President Obama has finally explained to the American people, and more importantly his opponents on the left, what it is that he is striving for. If you haven’t been following the trajectory of Obama’s presidency allow me to recap. Obama came into office with supporters and opponents alike looking for him to to be a Progressive Bush. Sweeping away the Republicans while enacting legislation that proved anathema to the American Right, which is roughly 50% of the American electorate, and delivering punishing yet eloquent bromides about why his way was best. Needless to say this has yet to happen. Obama is a pragmatist, he appointed conservatives to the Harvard Law School Review and left off some of his black peers. He chose Biden after he made that racial gaffe in talking about how eloquent he is. Apparently people on the left thought that his clear-eyed pragmatism only applied to his handling of racial issues and isn’t a sign for how he fundamentally sees himself. They were wrong.

Now there will be a whole chorus of people opining one way or another about what this means for Obama and the nation. I’m not shocked by Obama having to explicitly spell out who he is. Not shocked by his character nor am I shocked that others refused to see it. What this means going forward? I haven’t the foggiest but I imagine Obama will continue to rack up wins, ugly wins sure, but wins all the same.

“Pride cometh before the fall”, it is a common biblical quotation but how many of us truly understand and heed these wise words? I see on a regular basis people losing because they allow their pride to steer them and hubris is a horrible co-pilot. I’m glad that I have a President who will not let his ego get in the way of helping the American people as best he can. Even if I don’t always agree with him.

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Illuminati Me

Illuminati Me: "

A young man is born of poor circumstances, albeit in a privileged nation. He does well in school but decides that instead of applying himself in the classroom his time is better spent participating in illicit activities. While beginning a criminal lifestyle at a young age he matures enough to realize that the illegal lifestyle isn’t the one for him and he begins to nurture what is seemingly his most marketable skill for a man in his position. He works hard but is denied entry into his chosen field by the established powers thus without options for an institutional approval he starts his own. Through hard work and business savvy over a several years he finds himself not only thriving in his chosen profession but is an institution within the field himself.

This should sound like the Horatio Alger story with some poverty voyeurism thrown in for good measure. While not ideal it is pretty much a boilerplate story of how hard work and an entrepreneurial spirit can pay off in large dividends with the right breaks. However when confronted with this straight forward story of success in the personage of one Shawn Carter there is a sizable portion of people who despite all evidence of his success being the fruits of hard work, and a little luck instead subscribe all accomplishments to a shadowy organization that instead “gave” him all he has.

What does it say about our collective cynicism, and inferiority complex that when confronted with a vision of success we refuse to believe that it is a result of real work? Our actual accomplishments are dismissed by our own as mere gifts from shadowy white benefactors. The election of Barack Obama isn’t the result of the man himself but his luck in being “chosen” by the omnipresent Illuminati to function as the President this time around. Beyoncé doesn’t sell a million plus albums because she’s a great singer and performer no, people are brainwashed into liking and buying her music. I’ve been told by the same person that Kanye West not only owes his success solely to the influence of the Illuminati but is also one of the top five rappers dead or alive. How does that make sense?!

This affinity for discounting the success of black people did not begin with this newly flourishing Illuminati fascination. It has been a common refrain that most if not all successful Black people are sellouts. This theory has been persistent even among black people who are themselves successful. What is unique to this recent phenomenon is the concerted effort by others to exploit it in a misguided attempt to sway others into “truly following God“. A large source of these Illuminati rumors are Conservative Christians who rankle at the elevated status rappers and pop stars have in our community. This is why when viewing these videos there is a strained emphasis on Devil worship and homosexuality. However in all my time in church I never read a passage in the Bible that touts that the way to promote Christianity is to attack others. the greatness of the Lord isn’t competing with that of any rapper no matter how nice on the mic. So how is it in keeping with Christianity to spread falsehoods and ferment loathing?

This is a concerted effort by those who feel they rightfully belong in the position of those that they disparage. They use Jesus as an excuse to cover their envy. It is petty jealousy that is enabled by black folks all too willing disposition to discount their own success. If hard work leading to success is a hallmark of those who are considered to be members of the Illuminati then sign me up.

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Random Questions

Random Questions: "

Things that ramble through my mind.

Why is it when someone wants to make a moral point they use the Black American experience as a rhetorical tool? They don’t give two squirts about black people during their day-to-day. They may even actively dislike black people but when they want to claim moral supremacy they use our experience as the maximum rhetorical device? Gays are the new Black People, Christians are the new black people, Stoners are the new black people, Women are the new black people, Conservatives are the new black people. No black people are the new black people and the old ones too! Let us live and stop using our legacy as a moral prop and don’t think I don’t notice that in all the comparison making people seemingly automatically exclude actual black people in their construction of these groups. There are black gay people too.

Why are the Republicans so shook by Sarah Palin? Apparently the party doesn’t want her to run but no one of consequence will say anything. That’s not cool Republicans that’s like your friend having Oreo in their teeth and you just let them roll on. In the words of Ghostface Killah “That’s not a nice thing to do”

What ever happened to kids playing outside? Are we so afraid of our children experiencing life that they can’t ride bikes anymore? People do know that they’re child is more likely to get molested by someone they know then a stranger right? That’s a fact. Let your kids go play football ESPN will be terrible by the time I’m 50 they’ll show nothing but kids playing Madden and Squidditch.

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