Say Something Baby

Say Something Baby: "

“I can’t find a good man”

I detest these words with a passion. Everytime I hear a grown woman complain about her potential mates I punch a small woodland creature in my mind. I understand that there are millions of “jerks” and “dogs” in the world, I also understand that women are often approached in a manner that is totally inappropiate but what I don’t understand is how these facts translate into you not being able to find a good man. Let’s look at this logically.

Oftentimes we are made acutely aware of how flagrantly out of line men can be. We are often told of how men all cheat, or they all lie, or they’re all afraid of commitment and for certain segments of the population this is undoubtedly true but what is overstated is the scope. You see the mean who cheat, lie, and refuse to wife you up receive an inordinant amount of attention because for the most part these are the men who have been deemed desirable. When a woman says “I can’t find a good man” they mean “I can’t find a good man…that I want to be with”, of course this is also true of guys who always complain about how “nice guys finish last” no “nice guys finish last…with the bad girls they want” if people opened their eyes and honestly evaluated the people around them we’d have less complaints between the genders. This truth is universal.

What isn’t however is the fact that a lot of women who bemoan their lack of dating options do so while making no active effort whatsoever to find a good mate. For example, Friend A is an attractive young woman with a lot going for her. She goes on dates and would work to maintain a relationship. Her dates however all seem to be disasters, the men are interested in one thing or are uninteresting all together. Friend A laments her predicament of “not finding a man who is about anything” at which point I inquire, “well where have you been looking?”. The answer is ” I don’t look its the man’s job to ask for a date”. Here, right here, is where I quit. If you as a woman refuse to take the initiative when finding a mate, which is totally within your rights, then I feel you shouldn’t complain about not finding the “right” man. It is the year 2011 and women have the right to vote, earn as much money as men, and tell them how they look better doing it. So why is it that when it comes to dating some people revert back to tradition and “proper” gender roles?

If I wanted a job but I refused to inquire about openings, wouldn’t you conclude that I don’t really want that job at all?

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Taking Losses

Taking Losses: "

I’m a helper. I do what I can to help as many people as I possibly can, as much as a possibly can within reason. If someone needs a contact I’ll see if I have one. If someone needs that perfect word it will torment me until I find it. It is in my nature to be helpful, it only makes sense to me because when I’m in a place that requires the help of others I am appreciative. This is why it is maddening for me to feel like I’ve failed someone when they needed help the most.

Ask most students if I was helpful in college and they’ll probably reply that I was as helpful as anyone they met on campus. I did my best to always lend an ear to hear and a shoulder to lean on. Don’t get me wrong I also did my fair share of partying but most of my time was spent in the service of others.

This however did not come without a cost. While I was a whirling dervish in Austin I was almost non-existent in Dallas where my real family is. I don’t have any children so no I wasn’t a neglectful father but I feel as if I could have been a better son, brother, or grandchild. I operated under the assumption that everyone had their own lives and it was much more helpful for me to stay out-of-the-way and not be too big of a burden by asking for too much. I didn’t ask for anything unless it was necessary but I also didn’t visit home nearly as much as I should have. I called home sporadically at best.

My family never complained. They would always ask me to call more but they never guilt tripped me. My parents are grown, they understood. Where I really wish I would have done better is with my brothers. I’m the oldest of four and I never realized exactly how much my brothers look to me until I moved back home in August. Me and my brothers all are our own people with very strong independent streaks which led me to simply admire them on their own accord while ignoring the fact that they take a lot of their cues from me and for a good two to three years I was simply trying to lead by example. I didn’t offer the sounding board and advice role that I could have because I believed going to college and succeeding was enough. I shirked the hard part of helping them grow through the wisdom I gained. While I always had an answer for anyone who had a problem near me I provided none back home.

I’ll never be able to get that time back my brother’s will never be teens again but I plan on doing better in the future. If you ever find yourself in similar situation I hope you won’t take the losses I have.

Filed under: Family, Philosophy, Relationships Tagged: Austin, Austin Texas, Dallas, Education, Health, People, Requesting Help, Support Groups "

Our Vices Will Unite Us

Our Vices Will Unite Us: "

With technology allowing the majority of Americans an ability to find a unique and niche culture that caters specifically to them we have become a nation whose cultural bonds have loosened. We have always been a nation that highly values individualism and novelty but today we have almost come to the full fruition of the ideal with every man, woman, and child presenting something of a personal brand that is unique to them in some way shape form and fashion.

Now you can’t have a nation without cultural touchstones and while we are running in no short supply of patriotism what truly bonds us across all lines are vices.

Whether you are a card-carrying socialist or a staunch libertarian you both probably enjoy a cold beer when it is convenient. Alcohol is the global social lubricant that allows two people who have absolutely nothing in common to at least tolerate each other until they finish their glasses. Ask Barack Obama he didn’t serve the professor and the cop lager without reason.

Sex is as universal an experience you will find. In a poll 90+% of Americans said that they have participated in pre-marital sex. You can’t get 90+% of Americans to agree on the sky being blue. Given these numbers it’s not hard to understand why sex is something that is constantly talked about across our popular cultures be they that of sex workers who want respect or Christians who seek to convince their folk to wait until marriage.

I write this not to promote drinking and having sex. That’s your choice and if you decide to partake do that responsibly. I write this to point out the obvious in a nation that is as divided as ever our vices are nearly universal.

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Filed under: Daily Distractions, Philosophy, Relationships, Sex Tagged: Alcoholic beverage, Barack Obama, Blackberry, Christian, Nation, Premarital sex, Sex worker, United States "