On The Death Of Modesty

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;

Never before have these words rang truer than they do today. We distill our personalities and thoughts into edible 140 character bites. Our relationships are mapped out and put on display for the world to see. With these instantaneous forms of expression the filter between one’s brain and public declaration has grown razor-thin. In a society that based itself upon modesty and the projection decency such a development has radically changed the rules of relationships between people in ways that I believe isn’t yet  fully comprehended by society.
The source of this cultural shift isn’t technologies fault. People have always been dependent upon the attention of their peers, only now is that urge instantaneously sated around the clock. With such a revolution upon us it seems that the new rules of societal mores, in my humble opinion, are as follows.

1. Conviction, whatever you say insure that you can stand behind it if gets thrown into your face later.

2. Clarity, make sure that your point is clear.

3. Honesty, With every record easily accessible there isn’t any point in hiding anything.

What makes this development truly remarkable is that the highest form of currency in our modern society is attention. In the time before capitalism honor was the measuring stick of a man. After the Industrial Revolutionand the dominance of capitalism the  ability to accumulate possessions was the measure of a person’s worth. It seems however in our post post modern times the ability to draw the attention of  the public is how regard someone’s value to society. While I would rather be rich our nation as a whole seems to value the eyes of their fellow citizens and the ability to draw a crowd is now the most surefire way to accumulate vast sums of money.  What this means for the generation who’s only frame of reference is this greatest culmination of the Information Age will remain to be seen, but the sooner those of us in the transitory generation accept this the sooner we will be able to properly grapple with this new world with which we now confront.

Don’t Catch Feelings, Catch Flights

Don’t Catch Feelings, Catch Flights: "

Now earlier I touted the positives of letting your guard down and being emotionally honest with someone you truly care about and really deserves it. Now I’m going to help you identify when someone doesn’t. Also I will be doing so from the male perspective because that’s all I know.

This will not end well

We’ve all been there before there is that girl you’ve just met who looks absolutely beautiful. This is where the problem starts.If you are like me and you are a bit idealistic you have probably created a narrative in your head about this young woman‘s personality based upon how sweet she looks, you probably assume that she might be interested in a guy like yourself cause you’re a nice guy and not an asshole that you hear so many women complain about. That is your first mistake. You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you but you’ve already created a mental link that doesn’t exist. It is unconscious but powerful. You’ve idealized some person you don’t even know. This will lead to issues. You approach her, make her laugh, and strike up a conversation this may lead to one of these outcomes.

Scenario 1. If Only She Knew

Your newfound friend will have a boyfriend with whom she is totally content with. Just kidding because no one is totally content with what they have. She complains about her boyfriend and you think cool I’ll just show her I could be a better man and then she’ll be mine. One problem though that’s not your woman and there is a reason. You find yourself becoming the shoulder to cry on. Boyfriend is a jerk who treats her like dirt. While the truth is probably much less extreme that is the impression you’ll get. Next thing you know you’re taking to your tumblr to complain about how unfair it is that nice guys always finish last and you’d be doing this, that, and the third for this woman if she only gave you a chance. But that’s bull. Her boyfriend doesn’t have some sort of mind control over her that is making her stay. If she is with that man it is because she wants to be, for whatever reason. Stop being the emotional side piece and move on.

Scenario 2. Why Won’t She Give Me A Shot?

ha

She doesn’t have a boyfriend but she’s “not looking for a relationship with anyone now”. Soon y’all grow closer and after about a month or so you make your move only to be rebutted with the “I just like where we are at” death knell. Ouch welcome back to the Friend Zone. You plead your case only to meet the “I don’t want to ruin what we have wall”, damn. You continue your courtship because you want her to see how good you are. Y’all are like a couple except you get no action and its sad because its clear to everyone that you are crushing on this young woman including her. If you have some real friends they’ll tell you that she’s stringing you along and you’re coming off kind of like a sucker. She gets a new boyfriend and you plunge into an existential crisis. You thought you were on-deck but once again that was never your woman. Don’t let someone put you on a back burner show some pride and walk away when it is clear that she doesn’t think you are good enough to be booed up with.

3. Ladies are Pimps too

I refuse to abandon proper english to quote a Jay lyric

Yes old girl gave you some play. Y’all exchange numbers, get flirty, and you grow excited. Pretty soon you’re going on dates and attending some functions together. Then a pattern starts to emerge. You are always coming out your pocket and going out of your way but there seems to be a lack of reciprocation. Maybe even y’all have biblical relations but you start to notice that this relationship is completely one way. Next thing you know you’re paying for hairdo’s and shoes. Then despite what you believed was an “understanding” you hear that this woman is “talking to” a couple of dudes. You ask her about it and she either lies or hit you with the “yeah…and?”, you’re faced with a decision you really don’t want to make. Either let her go and miss her great personality, humor, body, or whatever it is about her that has you wide open or let it slide. If you choose the former then keep it G and don’t cry over spilled milk, she played you plain and simple take the L like a man and don’t get all bitter about it. If you really like her though, and I mean really like her do not ever choose the latter. You’ll end up here.

4. Cuckolded

I'm sorry to break it to you

Yeah I took it to Shakespeare. The woman you’ve idealized and adored has committed to you and you are ecstatic. Everything is rose petals. You do your best to please your woman in every way possible. There is something off about this dynamic though. You find yourself walking on eggshells worrying about her leaving you. She does what she wants and you do what you can. Next thing you know she has a guy friend that you know nothing about except that he exists or she wants to stay friends with her last man and you can’t find the ability to deny her. Not too big of a red flag but all of a sudden she can’t seem to pay attention to you for longer than five minutes at a time. You notice that the intimacy is gone. You’ve been cuckolded, look it up, except you refuse to see the truth yourself. Finally something drastic happens that forces you to admit it. I’m sorry to say brother but that is not your woman. Move on and try not to be too hurt about it. You can try to work it out but you better be sure that you both really want to. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in the position of having to watch for signs constantly.

What is the common thread in all the above scenarios, self-delusion. When you have to convince yourself to stay the woman of your affection realize that is not your woman. The best thing to do is keep it moving after you’ve been disappointed. Some men become bitter and try to take that feeling out on other women by making them feel the same way. That’s stupid. Quit catching feelings if you can’t take the bad with the good.

Filed under: Relationships, Sex Tagged: Boyfriend, Dating, Friend Zone, Intimate relationship, Man, Ouch, Relationship, Relationships, Woman "

How To: Legalize Marijuana In Texas

How To: Legalize Marijuana In Texas: "

So earlier I argued in favor of Legalization of Marijuana. Well I hate when people have great ideas and don’t follow through and with the recent arrest of Willie Nelson I believe now is as good a time as any to not only advocate legalization but roll out a plan. So I made what I imagine a roadmap to legalization would look like in my state. Critique it. Improve It. Trash it, as long as we are discussing it.

Texas First: An Outline of How To Legalize Marijuana in the Great State of Texas

With the recent surge in conservatives who ascribe to the libertarian ideology I believe that the state of Texas could be a viable dark horse candidate for marijuana legalization.Typically when discussing states who would be likely to legalize the sale and consumption of cannabis Texas is dismissed as a state of reflexive social conservatives who would never legalize marijuana. However I am of the opinion that with a strong public campaign, a concerted effort to disseminate the positives, and an appeal to the independent history of the state, Texas could be a practical marijuana legalization state. Here I will outline the way I believe such a campaign could succeed.

The campaign overall should appeal to the independent nature of the state. I would title the campaign “Texas First” in a nod to the pioneering nature of legalization and as an appeal to Texas pride. Campaign colors should be red, white, and blue to emphasize that the campaign for legalization would be beneficial to the state and not to Marijuana consumers alone. After the proper groundwork is made we would try to get Willie Nelson to cut statewide general ads in support of legalization to air over radio and during local television news broadcasts. Once again the ads must clear that legalization won’t lead to unchecked moral depravity but as a common sense solution to thousands of non-violent first time offenders being incarcerated for a habit that millions have, one of the solutions to an unbalanced budget, and a possible way to add to the pioneering nature of the state.

The first step I would take is preparing and strengthening support for a marijuana legalization initiative in areas where support may already be prevalent. I would begin by arranging meetings and then town-hall meetings with Parent Teacher Associations, religious, and community leaders in the urban areas and suburban areas of Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, El Paso, and Fort Worth.

The purpose of these meetings would be to make a moral, economic, and political case for marijuana legalization. In interactions with these leaders advocates would must be respectful above all else even if they are met with dismissive attitudes. While these meetings may not produce outright support these leaders and communities would be less resistant if they meet an advocate who patiently and respectfully listens and acknowledges their beliefs while making a strong moral, political, and economic case for legalization. Advocates would preferably be members of the community themselves. Intelligence and an ability to debate would be essential to swaying the minds to make legalization possible. Patience would be key. Professional dress and grooming needs is required. Humility will endear advocates to an older demographic and make support not guaranteed but opposition less impassioned.

A tact that I believe should be adhered to in these meeting and in the overall campaign would be to emphasize the government savings instead of an addition to government revenue as Texans in general have shown to hew conservative and would be nonplussed about added Tax revenue. Also when speaking to leaders of historically underrepresented communities or to the community in general I would emphasize the outsized affect marijuana prohibition has had on their communities shown in numbers of arrests, convictions, and sentencing. If we are able to get even a few community leaders and win overall community support for a marijuana legalization initiative the job would be half-finished. If not these meetings would give legalization advocates a face other than that of the hedonistic hippy personalizing the campaign which would, lower the level of vitriol we would meet in op-ed pages and pulpits every Sunday, and opened the door for people to be swayed as the campaign continues.

After this first step I would target State Senators and Representatives to find a sponsor for a Cannabis legalization bill. If we can get one into the political system we would run ads in urban areas outlining the case in a way much similar to the case we laid out to community leaders. In rural areas a similar case would be made but also a case for Cannabis being a potential cash crop with a need for manufacturing and packaging jobs if it were legalized. If we can assert that legalization would be a net gain and not a descent into urban hedonism we can endear legalization to the business and agricultural community here in the state. These ads would end with a call to have supporters contact their State Representative and State Senator to advocate for the legalization of marijuana.

In order to debunk falsehoods ads and websites dedicated to the way in which Marijuana would be disseminated, the restriction of consumption and consequences of operating a vehicle or performing surgery while under the influence of marijuana would be necessary. Emphasis upon the fact that Marijuana would be treated like alcohol in rules concerning its consumption and sale need to be emphasized. Localities would have the power to decide whether they will or will not be “Green”, meaning whether they will allow Marijuana to be grown or sold in their communities should also be a point of emphasis.

The legalization Bill itself would be subject to much change as it must go through the Texas State Legislature but points that would be included is:

a. The removal of criminal consequences for marijuana possession with the intent of use

b. The removal of criminal consequences for the growth of marijuana up to a certain point for non-commercial use

c. The ability to allow localities to control whether they will allow marijuana to be grown with commercial intent in their communities

d. The ability to allow localities to control whether they will allow the sale of marijuana in their communities

e. A mechanism to decide who is allowed to grow, and sale marijuana such as a permit

f. Consequences for non-permitted commercial growth and sale of marijuana

g. The ability to allow the restriction of use of marijuana by private entities on their property

h. Language that applies the same penalties for partaking in dangerous activities while under the influence of alcohol to partaking in dangerous activities under the influence of Marijuana.

Free Willie!

The first official supporter the marijuana blog

http://www.bakedlife.com/

Filed under: Government, Social Life Tagged: California, Cannabis, Drugs, Health, Legality of cannabis, Marijuana, San Antonio, Texas, Willie Nelson "

Triumph In The Face Of Tragedy

Triumph In The Face Of Tragedy: "

When people go through rough times they like to imagine that their issues are the worst in the world. I know we have all probably heard the cliché that if we swapped problems with everyone else we would soon want our own back. I don’t believe this holds true for everyone and as a perfect example I present a film about kids who are living in Afghanistan yet they still get their kick-push on. I’m not going to preach just watch.

SKATEISTAN: TO LIVE AND SKATE KABUL from Diesel New Voices on Vimeo.

Big Ups: Andrew Sullivan

Filed under: Daily Distractions Tagged: Afghanistan, Andrew Sullivan, Asia, Kabul, Maps and Views, Skateboarding, Skateistan, Vimeo "

You Don’t Own Me

You Don’t Own Me: "

You Don’t Own Me by RZAWU

No matter who you are and where you are in life you’re most likely ruled by the same thing that rules us all, expectations. It is as if everyone understands exactly what is expected of them and once we accept those limits as valid we are effectively restrained within them. It is a commonality of the human condition that almost to a person we accept while simultaneously yearning to be freed of. Expectations on a macro level is the glue of our society. We are born and told to go to school to be considered for a job that will make us marriageable at which point we are to find a mate settle down and have children who, if you did everything correctly, will replicate the cycle. This is the mature and sensible path and we are told that it is the definition of true meaningful happiness. Even people who are viewed as abnormal by our society are judged by this metric of sensibility in the long run which is why the debate over gay marriage is as passionate as it is with both supporters and opponents rightfully understanding that an acceptance into the institution of marriage is the last step towards long run normalization.

This is why we appreciate artists and eccentrics. The best of which do not yearn for fame or money but to live their lives on their own terms. It takes an incredible courage which goes unappreciated even among their fans. If you went to Thanksgiving dinner and told everyone you decided to be a painter, poet, or photographer you’d be laughed out the room. Recall your reaction to every aspiring rapper you know. This reaction doesn’t stem solely from a sense of irresponsibility on the part of the artist but also from what is taken at least on the subconscious level as an indictment on how we live our lives. I know personally I also feel a sense of jealousy because I wish I could disregard my set of expectations and do what I feel.

Acknowledging this I want to take this moment to personally challenge myself to follow my path as well as I can. I also want to challenge you the reader as well. I’m not encouraging you to abandon all responsibility but remember in your daily grind and long-term planning that we are blessed with free will and if you have the ability, do what you want.

Filed under: Daily Distractions Tagged: Relationships "

Angry Black Obama

Angry Black Obama: "

Why doesn’t President Obama call the Republicans out? Why doesn’t he pound on the lectern and let Americans know he’s damn mad? The obvious answer in my eyes is because it would be completely counter productive. President Obama was able to get elected because he completely ran counter to the stereotype that black people are too emotional. Dee Dee Myers said it, Christopher Orr examined the problem with the calls for Obama to embrace angry populism here.

I’m literally dumbstruck at why there seems is a plurality of Progressives who are stomping up and down and yelling until they are blue in the face about how the President should just get mad. I had no idea that people thought they were signing up for a liberal version of President Bush, who shot from the hip and was always sure to make sure others knew who was in charge. They wanted someone to swagger into the White House and exact punishment upon the Republicans to counter the constant hammering the Democrats had taken for the last eight years. They wanted to stand upon the hill and proclaim “It’s Our Turn Now!”.

This isn’t how the most powerful nation in the world should be governed however. We ultimately have to behave like adults if we would like to continue to move this experiment we call the United States of America forward. Every time President Obama says the words bipartisan there is a gnashing of teeth and a chorus of wails that follows. The majority of American people want bipartisanship though. That is what the polls say. Allow me to give some advice to all the advice givers.

If you are tired of Obama reaching out to Republicans only to be rebuffed and attacked by the Republicans how about you direct some of your energy towards the Republicans who are acting in bad faith.

It seems to me like when an issue comes to the forefront a common response is, “yeah I know Senator Such is Such is holding up Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell but when will Obama finally get tough with these guys?!” or “Yeah I know Senator Person I have to say before I get to attack Obama negotiated in bad faith but when will President Obama stab a Republican on the Senate Floor”. Listen people we live in a nation of checks and balances….CHECKS AND BALANCES! If you want your Congressperson to act in a in a manner that includes actual governance, here’s an idea call your Congressperson!

Now don’t get me wrong President Obama definitely could have handled his messaging much better during his first two years in office but the exultation to “Get Angry” only makes sense if you are operating under the assumption that a majority of Americans would respond positively to that and I’ve yet to see an angry black man who is beloved by the majority of the nation.

Filed under: Government Tagged: Anger, Barack Obama, Dee Dee Myers, Democratic, Democrats, George W. Bush, Progressives, Republican, United States, White House "

Sucker For Love

Sucker For Love: "

Kanye West Feat. John Legend x The-Dream x Ryan Leslie x Tony Williams x Charlie Wilson x Elly Jackson x Alicia Keys x Fergie x KiD CuDi x Rihanna x Elton John – All Of The Lights

We have a problem. Let’s call it death by cool. People are too cool nowadays to honestly communicate. I understand that no one wants to get hurt in a relationship but people are overdosing with the inanity now.

When you were young and dumb you probably accepted that in order for you to have a successful relationship with you had to open yourself up to emotional pain. It sucked but it was worth it because the good times were that much more important. This was a very good way to look at the world and I believe the right one but somewhere along the line we seemed to have lost our way.

It probably started in High School. You had that special person who shredded your heart, trashed your feelings, and pasted that super special letter you wrote them in that slam book that was going around your school. You grew a bit more jaded and stopped being surprised when someone let you down. Then you went off to college thinking things would change.

You thought by the time you got to college everyone would be mature enough to deal with their feelings and understand and respect the feelings of others. Ha! What you found were people just as jaded as you, who were trying to transform themselves into whoever the main heartbreaker at their school was. Instead of having open and honest conversations with the objects of our affection we’ve taken to emulating two legislators negotiating policy with our own personal media used to gain a strategic advantage.

When someone gives and express themselves they’re quite liable to being the object of derision in the other parties tweet, facebook status ,or (if you’re still doing this you should stop, just stop) myspace update. When arguments break out there is a race to the hallowed “I care less than you do” relationship chalice. It’s all so very…childish.

People wonder why no one writes love songs like they used to when the answer is right in front of their nose, people don’t love like they used to. What’s worse is that we deride people who are open and honest when they are feeling that special person.

They’re the “suckers” for love who’s worst transgression was turning to someone they genuinely are feeling and stated aloud “you know I’m really feeling you”. I’ve been on both sides of the situation and let me tell you both sides end up losing. Think about how many women or men you really wanted to notice you, or wanted to know you noticed them but instead you let them float on by because you didn’t want to “put yourself out there”.

Now I’m not advocating being a blind fool who is constantly getting walked on. A large part of the issue lies in how we select who we want. Both men and women have a real bad habit of being attracted to someone who everyone else is enamored with too. The reason this strategy isn’t the best has to be obvious to all involved.

If we’re not following after the crowd to our mates doorstep we are more often than not choosing the person we perceive as being the most fun or exciting. Knowing full and well that the attributes that make that person fun is probably bad business when you want to settle down and just have someone to watch movies with. So no I’m not saying be totally ignorant and honest with every person you find in your life.

However if you do find that special person don’t be afraid to grow up and act like you did in high school.

Filed under: Relationships Tagged: Advice, Arts, Emotion, High school, People, Person, Relationships "